024. Failing: Or the day I saw into myself and I didn't like what I found

The night before we standed up until very late and we got a call for our actions and our commitment to the main goal of the trip. I knew that I wasn’t putting all my efforts in doing our tasks to I decided that I wanted to catch up that day.

We had our morning meeting and Javier conducted it, we all shared one funny experience, something that we learned from the person on our left (mine was Grace) and a thing that we learn about ourselves. My funny experience was looking at Alejo while sleeping and noticing that he was laughing! hehehehehehe What I learned from Grace was how attentive she is to other people feeling and about me it was how grateful I am about being at the MPC.

Then we had time for individual work and I decided that it was a good time to read Franklin so I start reading. While doing that Ana Isa asked me a favor which I knew it was going to take time but I said yes nevertheless. As I was expecting it took more time than I should planned and then I realized I only had about an hour to deliver my work. I thought it was simple but then I realized that without a computer it was more difficult than I thought. Noticing this made me really stressed and honestly the stress made stop thinking. When the time was done I approached Bert and let him know what happened. He just told me “Pablo, you know the assigment?” I said “Yes” and he turn back to work. I said “Bert?” and he told me “Pablo, do you need something else?” Then I understood that it was up to me to do the assignment. So I runned back to the computer lab and found that all computers were taken. I had to ask the owner his computer which he happily agreed and even when I were able to finish my work it was of lousy quality and I felt really bad. More bad I felt when I realized that first it wasn’t my usual standard and more than anything that it was the main reason to be at Ati in the first place. I then realized that I took it in some relaxed way and that I did not accomplish the MPC standard. I felt really bad about it because it was (as always it is) only my responsibility.

Then we moved  a dialogue on Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson a dialogue that I liked and that at the same time it touched many things upon me. Then we had lunch. Before we left I approached the person that  I wanted to talk and after some small talk I told him: “Before I leave I want to tell you that you are really cute and have beautiful eyes”. He said “Thanks you are cute too. I’m not gay but thanks for sharing that.” And you probably won’t believe me but I felt really good not only of telling him but because the fact that his answer was negative I was proud of myself of following my principles and conquering my fears.

We departed and on the way back to  Guatemala, Carmen called our attention about the quality of our work. At the beginning I resented her but thinking about my own feelings I realized that I was again angry not at her but at me because I wanted to be her, proactive and calling for action and commitment. Well, after she talked we agreed on improving our quality of work and we did! Next day our hand book was in Bert’s desk ready to be presented.

What an amazing and powerful this journey was for me. I’m so glad to have this experience and to share it with other committed persons.